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The Attachment Style Series: Introduction to Attachment Styles

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The Attachment Style Series: Introduction to Attachment Styles

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In the next few weeks, I will dive deep into the world of Attachment Styles, with a series that will focus on one specific Attachment Style in each post. (Plus how to heal certain dynamics)

Before doing that, however, I figured it would be a good idea to give an introduction to what attachment styles are, why knowing yours can be super important, and how you can use that knowledge to not only improve ALL your relationships but also your overall quality of life.

What are Attachment Styles?

First and foremost, what is an attachment style and why is it important?

How you relate and attach to other humans has a strong connection to how you used to attach to others as a kid.

Which attachment style you have has an impact on your life in:

  • How you deal with and perceive emotional intimacy and closeness
  • Your ability to communicate your needs and emotions
  • Your ability to listen to and understand the needs and emotions of your partner
  • Expectations about other people, especially partners and relationships
  • How you respond to conflict

So you see, attachment styles have quite a big impact on our everyday lives, and frankly, our happiness!

Which Attachment Styles are there?

There are 4 main attachment styles:

The first one, Secure Attachment, is what we strive for. After having healed childhood trauma, limiting core beliefs and insecurities, this is where we would ultimately end up.

How is my attachment style determined?

It is important to note, that you have varying percentages of all 4 attachment styles. There is usually one that is predominant, but think of it as a pie chart.

To determine which attachment style you (predominantly) have, there are generally three dimensions that are being closely looked at.

The first one is closeness, in other words, how comfortable you are being emotionally close to or intimate with other people.

The second dimension is anxiety. This evaluates how much you worry about people (and especially partners) abandoning or rejecting you.

The third one is dependence, or to what extent you are comfortable depending on others and having others depend on you.

Why is knowing my attachment style important?

We cannot heal what we are not aware of.

So many people struggle in their everyday lives, especially when it comes to relationships. Triggers come up that seem completely irrational in hindsight and we don’t understand why we react the way we do. Or maybe we aren’t even aware that sometimes we are the ones with “toxic”, irrational reactions.

Knowing your attachment style will not only open your eyes to your habits and thought patterns, but might also help to make a lot of things make sense again.

Once you know which attachment style you have, you can take active steps to move to a Secure attachment style.

This will not only improve the way you relate to others and make your relationships better, but it will also allow you to feel better, healthier and more secure in your day-to-day life. It’s a win-win situation.

How can I find out my attachment style?

Reading through the following series of posts on this blog, you might already get a hunch of what style you might have. Some things will just…. sound familiar.

To get a more accurate understanding of which attachment style you have, there are multiple really great Tests online that you can take for free.

Some examples are:

The Attachment Project

Dr. Diane Poole Heller

Science of People

Take one or more of these tests to find out what attachment style you predominantly have at the moment!

You are fine wherever you are

No matter the result of this test, you are okay, no matter where you are right now. Now that you know which attachment style you have, you can actively work on feeling more and more secure.

Watch out for the following posts in this series, which will go in-depth with all of the attachment styles. They will also teach you where these attachment styles come from in the first place, how to best cope with them, and ultimately how to heal from them to get to a secure attachment style.

Let me know what you think and which attachment style you have!

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